Grad school and my subsequent - and thus far unsuccessful - job hunt have ruined me for spontaneity. I was once a carefree punk rock drummer, unafraid of improvisation and any accompanying critique. Now, I fear that any word that I type on any of my obscure blogs or social sites will ruin my (non-existent) career. What happened?
I over-achieved in in every manageable way while in library school. My program was 36 hours; I took 42. And I didn’t bother with classes I perceived as easy (read: fun) like “Graphic Novels.” I took meaningful courses in project management and similarly dull topics. I wasn’t only a graduate assistant; I was a TA to the head of my program: Health Informatics (read: medical librarian). I even took a class that required a bi-monthly 500+ mile round-trip commute because I was assured it was superior to the similar local offering. Finally, I not only joined the professional organization of my chosen career path, but I presented a paper at the national conference while still a student. It has been year since graduation and I can’t even get hired as a page.
Even with all of that over-achieving going on nothing I did ever approached perfection. Why does perfectionism plague me now? More importantly, how do I move past this self-imposed obstacle? These are, of course, strictly rhetorical questions. I am actively writing my way out of this mess (nod to JTB) and better days lay ahead, surely.
Numbers are not enough: Why I will only attend conferences with explicitly enforceable Codes of Conduct and a commitment to accessibility
I recently had a bad experience at a programming workshop where I was the only woman in attendance and eventually had to leave early out of concern for my safety.
Having to repeatedly explain the situation to a group of men who promised me that “they were working on fixing this community” was not…